Did you know the word ‘gaslighting’ was originally coined by a man named Hank Patrickson, who was sick of his wife complaining that their gas light was dimming even though it wasn’t?

… Does this sound wrong to you?

That’s because it is.

But if I were, let’s say, your superior, and I kept insisting that Hank Patrickson was a real man and that his wife was actually losing her mind, eventually you might start to believe me. Or even if you didn’t believe me, you might accept my story over time because you’re tired of hearing me correct you, and it’s just easier this way.

And thus, I would’ve successfully gaslit you. (For information about the real origin of the word, click here!)

Gaslighting, as defined by Merriam-Webster, is “the act or practice of grossly misleading someone especially for one’s own advantage.”

You’ve probably heard the word a lot in recent years, specifically in reference to personal relationships. But what about gaslighting in the workplace? According to a 2019 twitter poll conducted by MHR, out of 3,033 people, 58% said they had experienced gaslighting at their place of work.

So how can you learn to spot it, and what should you do when someone tries to gaslight you at work? We have some advice!

The Who and The What of Gaslighting

One of the first steps in avoiding gaslighting is being able to recognize when it’s happening—to you, or to others. So let’s look at who’s most affected, and what forms gaslighting most often takes in the workplace.

The who:

Gaslighting is heavily dependent on existing power dynamics, which means the people who are more likely to be gaslit in most situations, are the people with the least power.

In the context of heterosexual relationships for example, women are more likely to experience gaslighting than men. Racial gaslighting is also a phenomenon many people of color report experiencing in the workplace.

Taking office politics into consideration, lower-level employees are likely going to be more susceptible to gaslighting. That said, we cannot ignore the role that gender and race play in these situations as well.

The What:

Gaslighting manifests in many ways, but in the workplace specifically, there are a few red flags to look out for. Here’s a list of some of the most common forms gaslighting takes at work.

1. Denying having previous knowledge of something.

Let’s say you tell your boss that you’ll be going out of town in a couple of weeks. The boss says that’s fine, the vacation time is approved, and you move on. Now it’s the day before your trip, and your boss tries to assign you a project. You remind them that you’ll be going out of town but they act as if they had no idea you were leaving and accuse you of not giving proper notice. That’s gaslighting.

2. Accusing coworkers of being too sensitive.

This form of gaslighting is often a response to someone complaining about a different instance of workplace bullying. Let’s say you express discontent after a colleague said something that made you uncomfortable. They respond to your complaint by saying you’re overreacting, and maybe even try to get the rest of the office on their side. This not only invalidates your experience, but it might also stop you from making complaints in the future because you don’t want to be known as ‘whiny’.

3. Acting as if promises weren’t made/certain terms weren’t agreed upon.

This type of gaslighting is often tied to financial rewards or career advancements. The idea is that someone higher-up has promised you a raise or a promotion, in exchange for you reaching a certain goal. Then, when you reach said goal, they pretend like they never offered you anything in return. In some cases, the boss may even try to make you feel bad for suggesting that you should receive something special in exchange for doing your job.

4. Mansplaining.

Lastly, this list wouldn’t be complete if we didn’t address the concept of ‘mansplaining’ and its connection to gaslighting. Mansplaining is when a man condescendingly explains something to a woman, and it is often born out of the assumption that the woman couldn’t possibly have this knowledge, to begin with. Mansplaining can be used to make women feel small or unintelligent. If done often or aggressively enough, it can even lead to women doubting their own grasp of a concept. These are instances when mansplaining goes from being a sexist annoyance, to a form of gaslighting.

How to Handle/Redirect Gaslighting

It’s important to note that the responsibility to stop gaslighting in the workplace should not fall squarely on the shoulders of the person or people being victimized. These issues are typically not isolated events and often require an office-wide dedication to anti-bullying practices.

But even if your workplace has taken steps to address this kind of behavior, that doesn't guarantee you’ll never run into it again. So here’s some advice for how to handle gaslighting at work.

1. Establish a paper trail.

Whenever you request vacation time, are promised a raise/reward, or experience any sort of bullying from a coworker, document it. Send these emails to your boss, to a colleague you trust, and to yourself, that way you always have access to evidence if/when someone tries to say you’re wrong.

2. Don’t Engage Directly, but Do Report

Gaslighting is a form of bullying, and it’s likely your attempts to engage with someone who is gaslighting you will only serve to escalate the situation. You shouldn’t have to put yourself in that position. Instead, try to find a way to excuse yourself from the interaction, and go report the person’s behavior immediately.

3. Try to Surround Yourself with Supportive Individuals

Try to surround yourself with coworkers you trust, and who will support you. Positive, supportive coworkers can not only help drown out the negative comments of a workplace bully, but they can also serve as your allies if the gaslighting ever gets out of hand, threatens your job, etc.